Fucking hate the word "HOME"

I just dont know when i started to hate my home. Since...i move to this small and ugly "home"? Seriously i hate the people living in my home and the one staying in Klang(that bitch sister). I use to say "i love my home and family" but not now. I even think i love my friends more than my family. Yes i know what you're thinking, Im Stupid right? Well i just hate my home and the way it is. Why does almost everyone have their own PC at their primary school age but not me? Why does my friends know more than the world than i do? I dont mean i've been pampered too much from parents. I've never been pampered! Everytime when i ask for permission to go out or something like that. Mom will just say NO. I still remember when i was in standard 5, my classmates were discusing bout hanging out in Subang Perade on that coming weekend. I was thinking they are so COOL; they know how to go somewhere that i dont know how to go or where the place is. After graduating and moving to secondary school, few of my friends invited me to go somewhere nice to have lunch by taking a cab but i said no cause im scared of going somewhere far and im not familiar with. Besides, i dont have that money to go; my daily allowance was just RM3.00!(Unbelievable!!) What on earth can i order for my lunch?! Mineral water? After a year and a half u moved to kepong which never happy with, i got into a school and was in a class full of "lala chai" and samseng. Being a Oh-so-good boy in a class like that is really suffering. I was always alone and only have a few friends. Most of them were working and i thought working in this kinda age is awesome/cool/whatever shit it is. I never get the chance to work outside cause im not allowed to, only worked with my dad as a helper, working like a cow and no salary given. I told them im quiting and they said its a must to help your father in his business. Well i dont mind if im working in the office but hell no! There aint any office or even a permanent working place. Imagine lar..wireman dun have an office lar ok. So everytime when im working with dad, i'm just like locked in a room and work. This is what my mom call it "know more bout the world" while im locked in a fucking worst place. I know nothing bout the world.
I guess that is why im in PR course. But the same thing is happening. There's more people that i think they're cool. There's few friends of mine knows people from the media industry, Some even can handle a whole event all by themself. Some even earning big money. Cool huh? well it is for me!
I never stop feeling like a loser, chicken, coward, etc.

It feels even suck when you're having parents that is not believing you and i DO have parents like that.
im just so jealous of the life the others are having...

to be continued...